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There are many ways in which men worship a god of their own making. The god of the racist is a racist god, some serve a sectarian god who is ‘on their side’ as they wage war against those whose doctrinal or political views differ from theirs. When I was a child the god of my imagination was a kindly silver-haired granddaddy, but he was a man, and he was the boss, and so I grew up with a god who taught that it was OK for a father to rule his home with a rod of iron. Whose wives are good Christians only if they are submissive, and to an extent that view finds support in an overly patriarchal church.

 

The god of my youth was different; he had become stern and intolerant; implacably opposed to anyone who didn’t match up to his exacting standards of squeaky-cleanness. A control freak, a Pharisee, and I always had the impression that he didn’t like women very much. Maybe that’s putting it too strongly, but there was something about the way he related to women; like they were less important than men. He liked them OK, but they weren’t in his inner circle of friends. You could see this in his attitude to divorce for example, and I’ve often thought it odd that while a divorce creates two divorcees, Christian communities seem to attach varying degrees of stigma to the woman, but little to the man.

 

Like most of us, I had never thought these issues through, but there came a time when I had to, and so I began my search for truth with a commitment that if the true God was as opposed to me marrying a divorced lady as my small-minded god was, I would strangle my new relationship at birth.

I quickly found that yes, God hates divorce, but what I didn’t find was any trace of a harsh and non-negotiable prohibition. The true God is gracious, loving, non-judgemental, over and over again I found this theme repeated, from the Book of Deuteronomy where he laid down laws to protect the rights of divorcees – especially women, to the writings of Paul to the Corinthian believers where he said; ‘... if the unbeliever leaves (a marriage), let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances. God wants us to live in peace.’

 

So my conclusion was this; a woman in an unhappy marriage is systematically humiliated, physically and emotionally abused. Their marriage bond is a contract, they promised to love and honour each other, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer. But the moment he swears at her in public, humiliates and embarrasses her, punches, kicks or slaps her, the contract is broken, and despite the howls of pious protest from those who would insist that marriage is forever, she is morally and legally entitled to leave him. She might forgive him, but there is no divine obligation for her to return to a cruel or a dangerous marriage.

 

Statistics suggest that domestic violence is at least as prevalent in religious communities as in non-religious communities, and yet despite the fact that in the UK on average two women a week are killed in their homes by their partners, it’s those same religious communities that demand, marriage is forever.

 

Do you think the true God of love and compassion would tell a woman, ‘Jesus suffered for you. This is the cross he asks you to carry,’ or could that be the god of the legalistic Pharisee who knows nothing of mercy and grace?

 

 

 Reprinted with permission by the E-zine; 3-in-1