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RECOVERY FROM SEXUAL ABUSE by fiona mccarney
Northern Ireland priest Fr Paddy McCafferty has spoken to Faith for Life about his decision to publish an account in a regional newspaper, of his torment after being sexually abused as a child.
Fr McCafferty told Faith for Life he felt 'a great freedom' after revealing his past. "For years I was locked into that secret. It's an amazing feeling to be able to say this happened to me. It's a liberation."
The 40-year-old curate was molested by three people, none of them family members, from the age of four. The first perpetrator was a woman, the second a male youth when he was six, the third was a 'man who occupied a position of trust' who abused him for several years. The police are aware of the allegations. An outspoken critic of the Catholic Church's handling of clerical sexual abuse, Fr McCafferty said he wanted to address the continuing failure by leadership to deal with survivors compassionately. He also wanted to identify himself publicly with survivors and to find a way to help them.
His public statement, which filled two pages of the Irish News, a Belfast based daily paper, made harrowing reading, explicitly describing the mental and emotional anguish he endured as a consequence of the abuse. "The psychic torment that we who were abused as children and young people endure, is horrendous. Over the years I often wished I was dead and, at times, I did contemplate suicide," he wrote.
Night
time brought nightmares, terror and sleeplessness. His 'agony of mind'
often became extremely intense and would manifest itself through self-harm,
usually by punching himself until his arms were badly bruised. "On some
occasions, I was in such distress that I used a kitchen knife on the top
of my arm. I wanted the interior pain to be on the outside. I wanted to
bleed the anguish out. I was in torment. It was a living hell."
He
suffered anorexia nervosa, then bulimia, and his severe panic attacks
twice saw him in hospital. By last Christmas, Fr McCafferty was on the
point of collapse from lack of nutrition and sleep. He spoke to his doctor
and to the Bishop of Down and Connor, Dr Patrick Walsh, who arranged for
him to go to Massachusetts where he underwent months of intensive counselling
while helping out at a parish.
He
said it was logical for him to eventually talk about his own past, as
he has frequently castigated the church for its 'appalling' handling of
survivors. "They were guilty of a massive and inexcusable failure of leadership
- and that's across the world. They have seemed paralysed by inertia.
They need to get on their knees and repent, and earn back the trust of
the people. I asked four years ago that the church publicly repent and
set a day for prayer aside for the things that were done - all I got was
a stony silence."
Parishioners and family have been supportive of his decision to speak publicly about his past, while the Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Centre in Belfast welcomed the move, describing him as 'extremely courageous'.
Others are concerned about his vulnerability in going public. Fr McCafferty agrees he is vulnerable but says he feels much more at peace now than before. He also wanted to quash rumours that his sojourn in America had been due to his being silenced for criticising the church, or having a nervous breakdown. "I felt that the time had come. I was going to be doing this at some stage. I had already begun preaching about it. When I approached the Irish News, I was taking the initiative."
While the police are aware of the allegations he has made, he is focussing at present on trying to educate people about the suffering endured by survivors of abuse. "I'm not ready for everything yet. I wanted to identify myself with survivors and talk about the consequences of abuse for others. I want to give hope to others and in so far as I can, to console them."
WAYS TO HELP A CHILD RECOVER FROM ABUSE by Angela Hobday
For more help, information and CCPAS publications, visit www.ccpas.co.uk/cprotect.htm
main Copyright Adam Harbinson © ^top |
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