FORGIVE – IT’S A CHOICE, NOT A FEELING

by Adam Harbinson

Steve Chalke wrote a book in 1988 entitled The Lost Art of Forgiving, and when I read it recently it made me think just how relevant Christianity is. I mean, if it’s not for ‘where the rubber hits the road,’ then it’s no more than an interesting topic for philosophical debate, and I don’t know about you, but if that’s what it boils down to, there are other things I prefer talking about. But it’s much more than that, is it? It does matter, it is relevant, and it will always be a force for good in a world that looks like it’s going to hell in a basket.

Perhaps the most visible test of Christianity in action is the issue of forgiveness, but across the world, regardless of race or creed, we have made a virtue of re-opening centuries-old wounds, creating bitterness, fear, and an insatiable desire for revenge.

I’ve written often about the mother of little ten year old Lesley-Ann Downey, one of the victims of Myra Hindley and Ian Brady in the 1960’s. She was interviewed on television a couple of times before she succumbed to cancer – same fate as Ms Hindley as it happens – and I remember her saying, ‘I will never forgive that woman. Even after I die I will haunt her for ever.’

Her feelings are understandable, for grief, anger and pain are etched deep her face, but what a sad waste. I often think that not only did little Lesley-Ann die that dark night as her mutilated remains were buried on Saddleworth Moor, but her mother’s life ended too.  If only she had been able to bring herself to forgive, wouldn’t her life have been so much more tolerable? And don’t you think that’s what God had in mind when he said, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay?’ – leave it with me and get on with your life.

There was a discussion on radio one Sunday morning when the Enniskillen bombing was being discussed. I heard a Free Presbyterian minister say, ‘Sin never goes unpunished. Even if the perpetrators repent, they will still be punished by God.’  Well of course that may be how he would like God to behave, but it’s rubbish, isn’t it? It’s a bit like saying, ‘I forgive you, but I’ll get even if it’s the last thing I do.’

The suggestion that in order to be forgiven by God, we must forgive, that he will match our level of forgiveness with his, is a serious misunderstanding of the Lord’s Prayer, and it’s widely held in religious circles. But didn’t Paul, the Great Apostle say, ‘Forgive as you have been forgiven.’

The person who suffers most when there is bitterness and unforgiveness, is the one who for whatever reason harbours the bitterness and unforgiveness. And if that minister was right, it makes it all the more difficult to forgive those who hurt us; why should we bother even trying when God doesn’t forgive them?

I have had some mighty struggles forgiving some people for things that have been done in the past to my family and me, and I’m sure there are many who may never be able to forgive me for things I have done, but from experience I can tell you, it comes down to a conscious decision. Don’t wait for a nice warm feeling, it won’t happen.

Try it, for the alternative is to allow events of the past, dominate and dictate your future.

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