Domestic Abuse

'Sticks And Stones Can Break My Bones...

(by Adam Harbinson)

 

 

Look at the statistics: over 40% of women will suffer domestic abuse at some point in their lives, and the fact is it’s at least as common in religious communities as it is in non-religious communities. I discussed this at some length recently with the pastor of an average sized church in Birmingham. ‘There are usually 500 adults in my church on a Sunday morning,’ he said. ‘That includes about 200 married couples.’

I pointed out that 80 – 100 women in his church were being abused by 80 – 100 of his male parishioners. I asked him if he’d ever mentioned it from the pulpit. ‘No I haven’t,’ he said. ‘I didn’t realise that such a problem could exist.’

Now there are those who would argue that to skirt around the issue is a major failing of the church. For example, a young lady I know who works in Women’s Aid, organised a conference a few years ago to highlight the problem of domestic abuse, and to see what role the church might play in resolving it. She invited 163 church leaders, stating that on average over two women die each week in the UK at the hands of a partner or ex-partner. Three ministers turned up.

Some accuse the church of ignoring the problem, I go further; I believe there are some religious doctrines that contribute to it. Firstly, there’s a minister I know who lives and works in County Armagh. I like and respect the man a lot. However, the headlines in the Portadown Times last December read: ‘Traditional Christmas Day service between two Portadown churches stretching back over half-a-century has been ended – because one of the ministers is a woman.’ Now I’m not saying that my friend beats his wife, nor am I suggesting that because of his view, men will go home and beat theirs. But there’s no doubt in my mind that his belief that women count for less than men in God’s eyes, offers some justification for a man who mistreats his wife. Odd that, for Paul the apostle said, ‘There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male or female. For as Christians, you are all one in Christ.’

Secondly is the belief that a Christian woman must accept whatever her husband doles out because her, ‘…godly life will win him over’ (1 Peter 3:1). But that has absolutely nothing to do with tolerating abuse, and many a woman has endured years of brutality, even death because religious, patriarchal brutes have demanded unquestioning and quiet submission.

If any woman believes that God has chained her to a husband or partner who demands the right to treat her as less than human, your Word for Today is this; the moment he uses physical violence, he has broken the contract and you’re entitled to leave.

One last word though, all abuse is wrong. Not just physical abuse. As a child did you ever sing the song; ‘Sticks and stones will break my bones but names can never hurt me’? I would rewrite that; ‘Sticks and stones will break my bones but names can break my heart.’

I say it again, domestic abuse in any form is wrong. Don’t put up with it!

For more information the Home Office has a free Helpline: 0808 2000 247(UK Only)

Or the Women’s Aid Helpline: 028 9033 1818(Northern Ireland)