The Jesus I know

By Dave Bilbrough

I remember the scene well; in fact it's etched on my memory. The early days of what became known as the house church movement spawned numerous informal gatherings in homes, halls and all sorts of buildings. There we were on this particular occasion, I the fledging worship leader with itinerant preacher Maurice Smith due to speak at a gathering in a bungalow down in the West of England.

On our arrival we were greeted at the door by a sombre looking husband. "It's great to have you both here." he said "There're   loads coming from all around the area for this meeting but my wife has been taken a little ill with a recurring back problem, don't worry, we want to go ahead she will rest up in the back bedroom and will be able to hear what's going on, but I've rung the ambulance and they're going to come, pick her up and take her down to the hospital I guess some time while the meeting is going on."

"Are you sure we should go ahead?" we asked.

"Yes absolutely!" he replied. So after some prayer for the lady in question the meeting commenced in the packed living room of the bungalow. Sure enough after 40 minutes of worship the doorbell rang, and two ambulance men came through into the back room to tend to the patient. The room subsided into quietness as we waited for her to be taken on the stretcher to the hospital. Maurice turned to me and said "Dave, as she comes out of the doors and through this waiting crowd, lead us in a faith stirring song that will send her on her way, expectant and triumphant". My mind went blank. As we all stood up, the doors opened and as she emerged from the room the only song that I could think of to sing was a song called..'Jesus Take Me As I Am, I Can Come No Other Way'.

Inappropriate it may seem, looking back, laughable even, we all make mistakes and yet the truth of those words has been brought back to me time and time again in my relationship with Jesus-there really is no other way that I can come to Him than exactly as I am.

The more I get to know Him I realize that He is not in the least bit impressed by my vain attempts to put on a religious display for Him in order to attract His attention. My religious rhetoric and skilful masquerades will never fool Him he wants a relationship not with the person I think I should be but the real me for its only then that He can truly begin His work of grace in my life.

The fantastic truth that has liberated me has been a growing discovery of the unconditional love flowing from the heart of Jesus. I can't earn it and certainly don't deserve it but this simple truth still to this day never ceases to amaze and move me.

The Jesus I know can't be limited to a set of rules and a self improvement plan. I may be far from perfect but by His grace He accepts me as I am, it's nothing to do with any success or achievements on my part but it's everything to do with His death on the cross. He releases me from the crippling anxiety of living out other people's expectations inviting me instead to live confidently in His love. His grace gives me the freedom to be real before God.

It was on a youth weekend that I first heard the claims of Jesus clearly presented to me. I found it very thought provoking and began a quest over a period of some months for truth. I didn't want to be carried along by the crowd. I wanted an experience that was real, 'God if you are there, give me faith to believe in you,' was my constant prayer. One September night, confounded by the glorious simplicity of it all, I knelt by my bed and asked Jesus to come into my life. A sense of gratitude filled me as Jesus revealed his love and acceptance for someone as insignificant as me. I was overwhelmed with joy.

Today almost 35 years later I am aware that many of my initial descriptions of Jesus may now prove inadequate; my understanding through time has broadened to reveal a multitude of different facets to His character. This Jesus 'man of sorrows' who started his public ministry at a wedding feast by turning water into wine has always defied our attempts to put him in our box, but at the core of his heart I know there is grace that invites me to keep coming to Him just as I am.   

These last few years more implications of His grace come into focus for me as I've seen how His heart has a special place for the oppressed and the overlooked in this world. The Jesus I worship calls me to care for the poor and to lift up the needs of those less fortunate than myself. The common people heard Him gladly while the Pharisees tried to trip Him up with their smug self-righteousness. Our prestige and illusions of power have never been important to Him.  

Surely the experience of touching His grace filled heart can only increase our compassion for the vast majority of the world who live daily in poverty and deprivation.

A weak and imperfect a follower of Jesus I may be but I come to Him daily in the knowledge that the Jesus I know calls me to make His grace known to this beautiful but fractured world.